Lose Faith No More, you Modest Mouse, because there’s No Doubt this year’s Riot Fest and Carnival will have you banging the Kongos all the way up Cypress Hill. The Airborne Toxic Event may be Anthrax in your American Nightmare, and you may be thinking “Every Time I Die they’re Against Me”, but you should say OK, Go anyway. Take a look at Psalm One, Say your Prayers, Sleep On It, and you’ll be in Superheaven. Dabble in some Gateway Drugs and Modern Chemistry, but not too much or you’ll have Paranoid Visions. Which will tell you who your Real Friends are, you know, the ones who will Have Mercy and pick you from the Ground Up, even if you act like a Teenage Bottlerocket who quotes Faulkner and keeps talking about this Twin River by an Indian School for Clowns on the Northern Faces of The White Buffalo where they sell Indian Handcrafts.
Hang your worries on The Clotheshangers, put away your Barb Wire Dolls. Worry not about Death, because the Dreamers will fill your heads with Living Color and drive that Doomtree like a Swervedriver In The Wilderness. You want to throw a Counterpunch that’s Fit For Rivals? Nah, man. Modern Life Is War, baby, but you’re going to be Taking Back Sunday with your New Politics. Don’t even worry about the Rancid Meat Wave going down The Municipal Drain Project. Just throw a Mayday Parade. Get Into It. Over It. Have some Pears found by The Dear Hunter and Hum as you revel in The Joy Formidable. Your world IS The Movielife and neither The Dead Milkmen nor the FIDLAR on the roof can make you feel Less Than Jake. The Devil Wears Prada but he’s just a Yelawolf, so put an Ice Cube in your cup, Thrice, and throw away The Expendables.
Basically, get your tickets to Riot Fest & Carnival. With a 3-day pass you’ll be Pennywise instead of Slightly Stoopid. This year’s a Direct Hit!
We didn’t get every band on the lineup in that mess, but we did get most of them! How many can you find?
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