Burgers with a side of Metal

For the last few years I’ve been hearing how great the burgers at Kuma’s Corner are. I am a bona fide burger fan, and I finally got to see what all the fuss was about last week. A small group of us met there on Thursday. One thing we learned: they will not seat you until your party is complete. If you try to fool them (which, to our credit, we did not) and say your party is complete and then add a person later, they won’t be able to eat. They can drink with you, but no food.

Anyway, we sat at one of the picnic tables in the back patio and started off with the BBQ Pork Fries. Those are a heaping pile of fries topped with bbq pork, jack cheese, and green onions. They were tasty, but could have used more pork and cheese, in my opinion, but I think everything could use more cheese.

Next up, the burgers. Their burger menu is just about as creative and off the wall as the Organ Room at House on the Rock. If you’ve been there, you know what I mean; if you haven’t, make a trip but be forewarned that it’s like stepping into a crazy person’s brain. Here’s a sampling of what Kuma’s does to meat on bread:

• YOB
  Smoked Gouda, Bacon, Roasted Red Peppers, Roasted Garlic Mayo
• Judas Priest
  Bacon, Bleu Cheese Dressing with Apples, Walnuts, and dried cranberries
• Plague Bringer
  Roasted Garlic Mayo, Tortilla Strips, Chicago CO-OP hot sauce, Fresh Garlic, Pepper Jack, Sliced Jalapenos
• Goblin Cock
  Bacon, Cheddar Cheese, ¼lb. Vienna Hot Dog, Tomatoes, Onion, Neon Green Relish, Sport Peppers, Pickles, Celery Salt Mustard

Heavy Metal fans might notice the names. All of the burgers are named after bands. They also play heavy metal, but if you’re not a fan don’t let that deter you; we couldn’t even hear it on the patio.

After hemming and hawing because all 21 varieties looked good, I ended up with the Motorhead, which was a Greek-like concoction of goat cheese, kalamata olives, oregano, tzatziki, onion, and tomato.

Do ya’ see that thick burger? It’s sitting on a pretzel roll, which provides “more support than a sports bra“. I’m not a fan of kalamata olives, but I didn’t dare ask the tattooed lady to remove them so I gave them to my friend David Schach instead. Once that was taken care of…oh…my…

Delicious!

David also had the Motorhead, and Lisa Ghisolf & Paul Gearon had the YOB:

The burger itself tasted pretty much just like a patty of ground beef without special seasoning, so if you’re going for the best actual burger Kuma’s may not be the spot. However, that leaves room for the flavors of those creative toppings and those are definitely worth a trip.

Paul Callan was a complete rebel and tried the Make Your Own Mac & Cheese, which could feed a small village:

Now, actually getting to eat can be a challenge. As I mentioned, your party must be complete so try to arrive there together. There’s also generally a wait; one gent on Twitter told me he waited an hour and twenty minutes to be seated, and then another hour for the food. That is a looooooooong time to wait for a burger. If you can, visit during the week and get there when they open at 11:30am. If you do have to wait, they have an excellent beer selection that features many local or nearby breweries. An interesting tidbit is the alcohol content included with each listing.

If you drive to Kuma’s street parking is plentiful, and you can even find meter-free spots around the corner on Sacramento. Of course, public transportation is always preferable and there’s a Blue Line stop at 3200 W Belmont (3/8 mile away) and the #77 bus runs down Belmont. There’s also plentiful bike parking.

One final note: despite my teasing about the supposed tough-guy character of Kuma’s, our server was nice, pleasant, and really on top of my Diet Coke refills. Like many rough ‘n tumble looking folk, Kuma’s is really a big softie
underneath that bad boy exterior. Proof? They collect donations from guests the
entire month, and then on the last Friday the bartenders give 100% of their tips to a local charity.